Scared Birthday Note

You are always afraid.
You’re afraid of getting out of your comfort zone. But well, you did it somehow and it’s an achievement for you and you shouldn’t compare any of it with others’;

You’re afraid of people. But, it’s okay tho, not all people are meant to understand us. You don’t need to have and mantain friends as many as you thought you should. The only friends you need are the ones who bear your not-so-understandable state and you have them now;

You’re afraid of the future. But, you still have a long journey ahead. A lotta shit people and situations to deal with and much other shits ahead. It’s fine. Look at you now, scarred and bruised but still trying to look badass, yeah? We’ve been through scary shits before, We can go through many scary shits again in the future.

So, keep the smiles and those shitty jokes, I know you like to make people laugh, eh? Keep the warm heart you try to mantain after years of not believing others. Keep the young spirit you always want to ignite in your heart and soul. So, by this writing, I declared my forgiveness and love for my own self.

– a little note i keep telling myself everyday and say out loud on these days every year

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Moon Phases

The Moon was oblivious.

She never understood the life she had,

the rise and fall of her emotion,

her burning desire for the night Ocean,

swooned by every sway he made.

But they were only tangents who met,

with only thousand hellos at the sunset.

The Moon indeed was oblivious,

for having no clue about her radiance.

Maybe it blinded her,

making her drowned, broke, swallowed in her own inferno.

Then once in a while, The Ocean lost his sincere sunset.

Stared blankly at the dark sky,

aching for her celestial light.

– nit, March 18

Deep Cold Water

How else could I entertain the crowd

if I didn’t dance as they told me to,

in a pair of cement shoes,

and the laughter got bigger as I screamed and cried.

I could have said no and ran,

but my feets were bleeding

and as I fell, the water rushed

swallowed me whole, took my breath swiftly

forced me to breath under deep cold water.

I was suffocated, deafened, blinded.

I couldn’t hear myself screaming,

could not feel my tears falling.

Oh how cold the water, it numbed me.

Yet I could feel my lips smiling,

for the laughter has gone.

– nit, Des 2017

Get Drowned

I’m sorry if I’m so spilled with my emotions. I know, that scared you off.  I know you boxed up your emotions somewhere deep in your heart. Don’t worry, I’ve seen it somehow. You showed it through your glistening eyes and it tattooed in my memories. That’s what I recalled everytime I saw things, places, jokes, dreams that reminds me of you.

I know you were scared of me. You were scared that if you let me near you, you would affected by my emotions and you just couldn’t cope with the wave.

I know you never ready for it

So you left.

-nit, Oct 2017

Slow and Dangerous

The form of you never come hard,

like a hitting on my head with a brick,

or come fast like a train,

sudden and dangerous.

But, it always comes as little pieces,

the sound of your laugh

as I find the things you love,

the sad smile of yours

as you wave goodbye at my door.

It is never fast and sudden,

but it is sure lethal to me.

– nit, April 2017